Battle of the Giants

 

Mcfarlane toys - movie maniacs

 

August 15, 2003

 

C.L., CA: Today is the day two of the biggest names go head to head in combat. No, I’m not talking about

Bob Sapp vs. Kimo at K-1. This fight is even bigger. And it blows away the Pride Tournament that just

occurred last weekend.  The name recognition here is undeniable and worldwide. Neither combatant can be

said to have been truly defeated.

 

Fighter # 1 stands at 6’3” with power that makes Mike Tyson look like Pee Wee Herman.  His opponent,

by all accounts, is a giant in the mind and stands at 5’8”. His quick wit has been said to match that of

Muhammad Ali. 

 

The world never thought that this bout would take place since each has carved their own niche and were, in

many a sense, competitors from different organizations that just don't cross over.

But the big wigs put aside their differences and the unification bout for undisputed horror king is about to

take place - Jason Voorhees vs. Freddy Krueger.

 

First, the tale of the tape:

       Jason Voorhees

vs.

 Freddy Krueger   
   6’3”      Height  5’8”       
          250 lbs.      Weight        160 lbs.      
50" Reach 44"    
   127 +

Victims

   30 +     
10 

Comebacks

 7     

    The Machete

Finishing Move

             The Hand blades             

 

Now, we here at tfg.tv think the bout will go something like this:

 

Voorhees and Krueger will probably take out at least three people a piece before the first half hour. We’ll go

out on a limb and  predict that it will probably be young teen-agers. Now, here is were it will get tricky -

They’ll realize that the amount of people to have fun with, at their leisure, will have been depleted quicker

than they thought. That’s when they’ll figure out that someone else is out there

 

So for the next twenty minutes, they'll be looking for who is spoiling their fun.

 

Enter, the big scene – the see each other for the first time. 

 

Now, they think they’ll be able to destroy the other.  Jason will take to the offensive slashing and chasing

while Freddy quips about how slow he is. He'll throw out a line like - Man, your an ugly Bitch...oh wait a

minute, we're not talking about what he says to himself in a mirror...our bad. Anyway, Jason continues to

try to inflect damage only to learn that no matter what he slices and cuts off, it just keeps growing back.

Jason, perplexed, knows nothing more than to keep doing the same thing. He has a limited repertoire. 

Freddy on the other hand, realizes that Jason is just to strong for him physically and is getting bored

getting sliced and diced. So, he takes Jason back to la la land and goes like a super loco maniac bastard.

He whips and slices and puts Jason down for the count. Only after the count, Jason gets up. 

 

Long story short, they realize they can’t kill each other (duh) so they decide to hang out. So after some tea

and crumpets, they soon realize that they have much in common. They both hate Michael Myers.  So,

from la la land, they'll torment Meyers until he takes off that William Shatner mask. Of course, Shatner

takes offense and it's on. 

 

On to the sequel - Freddy & Jason vs. Michael Myers & William Shatner.

 

Hey, what do you want for free?

 

Anyway, we’re guessing that’s how it will end but alas, we’ll never know since we’re not shelling out $10 to

see who wins.

 

Don't Take Life Too Seriously All The Time,

SN

 

 

(8/15/03)